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Zoe Eisenberg, iEG sex/lifestyle
As the old year comes to a close, change often looms on the horizon. Whether it’s a job or family shift, or mercury kicking into retrograde, faring change is difficult. While it’s hard to change alone, weathering change with your partner can sometimes feel impossible, especially when only one of you is changing. Many relationships fail as couples “grow apart,” (which is just another way of saying they’ve failed to grow together.)
Keep these tips in mind if your partner is making moves and you feel like you’re running alongside them.
1. Understand when it’s not about you.
Much easier to preach than practice.
Often when our partner is going through a change, we project our feelings all over them à la emotional vomit. If your partner gets offered a new job while you yourself are feeling stagnant in your career, you may view their change with negativity or doubt. As downer feelings bubble up around a change, get a little introspective: are you really concerned your partner can’t handle it? Or are you bummed you aren’t moving forward? Locating truth behind your pesky feelings before you address them can save an argument (or five), and allow you to be the most supportive version of yourself.
2. Keep your eye on the long game.
It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day conflicts that surface in your coupleship. Your partner’s new hobby, while cool, is cutting into your together time. They’ve recently found religion and you’re not sure if it resonates with you. Or their new gym routine gave them a killer bod while the only marathons you’re training for are of the Netflix variety.
A friend of mine recently lost 35 pounds, and instead of being supportive, her husband was insecure she’s going to leave him. It’s caused major conflict, and the sad truth is it’s his lack of support—not her new muscle mass—that threatens to break them. When faced with s-s-s-scary change, back up and look at the shift in terms of longevity. Will this impact the whole of your relationship 5, 10, 15 years from now? What’s your ultimate goal as a couple, and does this change threaten it? Is your partner a completely different person, or are they simply a happier/fitter/busier/more successful version of themselves?
3. And remain flexible.
New hobbies, interests, religions—these can be startling when they come out of nowhere and threaten to alter what is comfy. But nothing kills a romance faster than a lack of compromise, so if your partner is changing, remember to be flexible. This means staying open, supportive and positive.
Ah, doesn’t that feel good?
Want more from Zoe? Follow her on Twitter and Instagram, and don’t forget to check out her book, The Lusty Vegan.
